Who knew Michael Jackson was still alive? I mean, all of Michael Jackson, not just some random body parts that accidentally managed to stick together through the past couple of years. And not only is he alive and kicking, he's also on the October 2007 cover of L'UOMO Vogue magazine, as photographed by Bruce Weber. And just look at him - and start counting. Nose? Check. Both cheeks still on? Check. Forehead? um...sort of. Barely hanging, but it's there. So, people, looks like we have the whole specimen to play with - I mean, look at and dissect. I mean watch. OK, enough with the metaphors.

Michael reportedly struck gold - I mean, a deal with Roberto Cavalli. He posed for the photo shoot, and in exchange, Cavalli would create Jackson some special clothes and a totally new look to support the launch of his new album this fall. I wonder what kind of special outfits we're talking about - probably some cleverly cut jackets and hats especially designed to hide his antennae and extra arms and totally put us off thinking he's actually an alien in disguise. Oh, wait - are you sure that whole MIB, aliens wearing human costumes thing was only a cartoon and two movies starring Will Smith? Oh well, if you say so...

The fact is, there's even more news on Mr. Make-me-white-but-keep-my-nose-on. Rumor is, he's married. Yes, you heard me - married to his nanny, Grace Rwaramba. Sources close to the pop star report that the two got married in Las Vegas earlier this year. "Grace... is one of his dearest friends" said the source. "She is one of the few people who stood by his side through all of his problems - including the child molestation trial in 2005".

If this is true, this is Jackson's third marriage. His previous wives were Lisa Marie Presley and Debbie Rowe. But really, I hope that lady knows what she has gotten herself into. Marrying Michael Jackson is not like marrying Britney Spears, for instance. There's no escaping the trauma - and there's definitely no financial reward for it. Yes, I think Grace should have had a long talk with K-Fed before saying "I do" - he would have given her the goods on being married to a trainwreck any day of the week.