Meet Another Hot Beauty Queen

Hello, boys and girls, and welcome aboard another (rainy but fun) Saturday morning. Any yes, it's finally the weekend and there are so many things to do, but if I may make a suggestion – take a cup of coffee, or tee, or a glass of milk and make yourselves comfortable in front of the computer for half an hour an bear with me on a lil' bit of weekend fashion police. The fact is, weekends are supposed to be relaxing, right? Well, I must confess that nothing really gets me started on a Saturday like a badly dressed celebrity (well, sort of – you'll see) sporting garish nails and an altogether "beauty queen turned girl behind ice cream counter turned singer" attitude.



Everyone, meet Ivy Queen (actually her true name is Martha Ivelisse Pesante). She’s a Latin Grammy nominated composer and singer, also known as "La Diva" and "La Reina del Reggaeton" (The Queen of Reggaeton). Ivy Queen is in fact a successful singer, but it doesn't stop her from dressing like a drunken Greek goddess turned stripper – and I really have no idea why. I mean, I'm not talking stage outfits here, that's a whole other business, but (and this is a question that has been plaguing me for a long tine now) why would anyone voluntarily choose to look like a mix between Freddy Kruger and Pamela Anderson's mother?

First of all, those nails really give me nightmares. I can almost hear them being run over a blackboard and man, I had no idea a photo can actually make your ears hurt just like that. Then we have the golden chain that she seems to have wrapped around her boobies and neck, probably to hold the former in place and prevent a disaster. And finally, we have the uneven color of her skin and the makeup that makes her look like her face has been left on the oven an extra hour and is now crispy and ready to be served.

I have a feeling we should be starting a hall of fame here, and I already started on a list of people to ask to the opening gala. Ivy Queen here is hot, and then maybe Shauna Sand's shoes will put in an appearance, Coco will definitely steal the show and maybe we can get Rumer Willis to wear that Halloween pirate whore costume she once wore at a party. If you have any more suggestions, do not hesitate to let me know – and maybe we can work on something even more fun for the next weekend.

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