Mariah Carey Really Looks Like a Porn Queen... with Boobs!

I know it's the new year and we're all supposed to show a little more determination in getting rid of some of our nasty habits (at least for a while), but I think someone should think of passing a law making new year resolutions compulsory for some Hollywood celebrities. And maybe even think of forcing some sort of terrible punishment on those A to D-listers who break the promises they made to the world or themselves, once the said resolutions were made public.

I mean, some things should simply never be seen again - and the list is long. It includes Britney's coochie (well, you can add Paris and Lindsay on the list just to be safe), Posh Beckham's boobs and a lot of other less infamous bits and pieces from various celebrities out there. As for the icing on the cake, I think Mariah Carey's dresses should also mysteriously vanish from sight and be left to rot at the bottom of the ocean or something - 'cause nine times out of 10 they're simply hideous.

I mean, don't get me wrong - it's not that I have something against Mariah Carey in person. I just have something against her dresses, and for someone who has such a good opinion of herself and believes she's quite the diva, she has an uncanny talent of always looking like a porn star. A sexy porn star, but a porn star nevertheless. Latest example? Here's Mimi hosting New Year's Eve at Tao in Las Vegas, and boy, I do wonder how she managed to find that dress.

I mean, do they still make and sell those, or did she rob a 90's themed costume shop in some remote little town somewhere? I know I shouldn't be rude to poor Mariah, especially since, as I was saying, she's such a kind, gentle soul, especially when she uses a public bathroom and makes sure her bodyguards chase everyone else away before she pees. Yes, I think we should remember this more often - it kinda helps put things into perspective.

But anyway, back to Mariah's dress. I know those things were quite popular in the 1990s, but there's been at least 10 years (more like 15) since anyone wrote a positive review about anyone famous wearing such a dress. It's not that it looks downright bad on Mariah (I mean, yes, I do have to wonder how she managed to squeeze into it but that's an entirely different problem), but it looks completely out of fashion. And it makes Mariah look like she's a 40-ish former prom queen trying to bring back the glory of the old days. It's just... not working anymore. So, how about we call it quits and make that dress disappear? How's that for a new year resolution?