Keira Wants to Quit Acting, Dreams of Huuuge Breasts!

Keira Knightley is not one of the pleasantest persons on this planet and this doesn't come from me, but from the many who had the chance (or, should we call it bad luck?) of meeting her face to face. Aside from this, she is also considered very self-centered and self-involved; in short, she has the reputation of not being the kind of celebrity one would like to meet while passing down the street.

The constant media pressure (especially since the 'Pirates of the Caribbean' franchise has become the biggest seller of all Disney productions ever) and the violation of her privacy by the paparazzi has determined Keira to make up her mind as to her desire to continue to pursue a career in the movie industry. In other words, she threatens to quit acting. Well, in fact, she's not literally threatening us because that would imply the existence of some feeling of dread or something in us, which would kick in at the very thought of this coming true.

Unfortunately, this doesn't happen. Keira may be a relatively good actress, but she's not the greatest - therefore she is not indispensable. Far from it! Thus, her threat becomes a mere 'announcement', and even as such, it has no validity since she makes no mention whatsoever as to the date we are to expect her to retire. 'The celebrity thing is completely crazy. I think I just have to move away or give it up altogether. I couldn't have kids in the situation I'm in now. But I could just do something else. That's probably what's going to happen. I made a decision very recently that I want a life instead.', the actress told the latest issue of 'Elle' magazine.

Well, next time I hear about an opening at the fast-food joint down my street, I might just give Keira a call. Sure, it's not quite the same salary that she got for starring in movies, but it will certainly offer her the chance to experience how 'normal' life looks like.

And, to continue in this line of play-pretend, the actress also talks to 'Elle' about the strain of being a skinny woman. So far, it's understandable; especially since less than six months ago the mother of a model who passed away from anorexia cast all the blame for her daughter's illness on Keira. The 'Pirates' star tells the mag that, after the girl died, she felt responsible for being so skinny and she went to a doctor to gain some weight. Since then, she stopped working out, replacing all hours at the gym with sitting in and eating junk food.

But Keira is definitely testing the boundaries of verisimilitude when she goes on to say that what she really wants in life is to look like Beth Ditto from The Gossip. In case you didn't know, Beth is a rather unique singer (second photo), well over the weight of an average woman of her age, who also loves to strip down to her underwear during her shows. While she is very appreciated in the UK, it's hard to believe that a woman as skinny as Keira would actually want to look like her.

Here goes nothing - says Keira: 'Basically, my body type is naturally thin. There is nothing I can do about it. When she [Beth] was performing she started taking all her clothes off. I stood there watching her strip, thinking, "Oh my God, that woman is so sexy." She has the most amazing body.'

'Nuff said. Feel free to insert hypocrite jokes here.