Just Throw Her in Jail Already: Lindsay Lohan Stole Coke

I always suspected it – I mean, I knew some of the "Lindsay Lohan steals everything she gets her hands onto" rumors were true, but I had no idea she had actually managed to do some drug stealing before taking her little trip into rehab. The fact is, I don't know why I'm surprised. This is classic junkie behavior, and now that I think about it, I think there were a few other stunts LiLo pulled that were even bigger than just stealing some coke from a guy. Nevertheless – wasn't drug possession a felony in its own right? And hasn't LiLo's mom taught her that two wrongs don't make a right – and that stealing drugs from a drug user doesn't make the whole ‘illegal’ thing just go away.

I keep having a flashback of a video recording I watched a few weeks ago about how LiLo once stole thousands of dollars' worth of designer clothes and jewels from a so-called friend's house. The truly disgusting part is that when the friend contacted her and asked for her stuff back, LiLo, Nicole Richie and alleged gay lover Samantha Robson all piled her with insults and called her delusional. Well, if she could do that just for fun and because she simply believed she couldn't get in trouble, then stealing drugs just sounds like another walk in the park – or is it horse riding expedition – at the Utah rehab facility she's been attending for almost two months.

The sad truth is, two months in rehab will definitely not be enough to wipe out the evil genes in Lohan. She needs serious therapy for that – and possibly brain surgery, if you ask me. And just in case you were wondering how much Lindsay Lohan loves coke, she’ll stoop to hanging out with a guy named Steve-O to get it. What – don't tell me you don't know Stevie O, he's like the world's most famous comedian ever. Joke. He's in fact a little nobody with some drug money, who fell under LiLo's spell straight away.

Steve-O told radio man Howard Stern all about Lindsay stealing drugs from him. Wait – in order to do that, he had to admit live that he was in possession of the ILLEGAL drugs in question. But no, Stevie O found a way around this (didn't I tell you he's also the world's smartest nobody? No?) and just called coke "Boog Suge". Man, this guy is just so imaginative I feel I want to become his fan forever, hold him and never let him go. Lindsay – he states – pretended to forget her wallet in his bathroom and came back to his place to get it. There's even proof she was there – Lohan allegedly had to sign a release while at Steve-O's house for a DVD he was filming at the time.

How did that cliché go? An addict is an addict is an addict. Well, there you have it. Where are those police investigators? They should be throwing Lohan in jail and then throw away the key. And let her there to rot for a few years. Do I hear police sirens?

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