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Jordan Is All Latex, Boobs and... BoobsWe'll all burn in hell just by looking at this photo |
By Monica Gaza, Entertainment News Editor
14th of December 2007, 11:12 GMT
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I must say, someone out there really hates our guts. And I have a shrewed suspicion that that someone also had a long conversation with Jordan, during which they told her a whole bunch of lies - one of which being that the world loves her and that the one thing we really need to be happy for Christmas is more of this wonderful, self-proclaimed sex addict. Because otherwise I can't explain how come we've recently been caught in just about the biggest Jordan storm I can remember. But that's entirely my subjective opinion - and boy, do I feel haunted. It's like having a song stuck in your brain for a whole day -only a hundred times worse. Honestly, it feels like every time I turn on the computer, there's a "sexy" Jordan photo or Jordan Is All Latex, Boobs and... Boobs piece of news right there, waiting for me.
This time, Jordan's narcissistic self is on fire - literally. We're looking at what could possibly be one of the hottest, most amazing photos ever seen on this planet. I'm kidding, of course - it's just Jordan showing off her impressive boobs and posing as a latex-clad dominatrix, possibly in an effort to persuade her husband to let go of his strange fantasies and have sex with her instead. How do I know? Well, Jordan herself and that big mouth of hers talked about how Pete and her (but Pete in particular) are into sex with nuns and rape fantasies. Imagine what the poor guy will think when he sees this photo. I can almost hear him. "but... but honey, that's not a nun" and Jordan's reply "oh, but this is a modern version of a nun, darling, shut up and take off your clothes".
Well, perseverance sure pays off - but in this case, we're suffering from a bad case of Jordan overload. I guess one other possibility would be that this photo is in fact a premonition more than the depiction of an actual state of fact, and should act as a warning for all of us who trash Jordan and dare to call her anything but "sexy" and "the most gorgeous woman on the planet". Yes, well, I have long suspected I would eventually burn in Hell, but if I were to have any say in this, I'd much rather be in a Jordan-free pit of fire. In case I can still make a wish. Can I?
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