Jordan's Sex Life Is a Horror Movie

Everybody cover up, Jordan's on the loose again. Man, this lady can't keep her mouth shut at all, and every time she blesses us with one of her pearls of wisdom, we end up rolling on the floor laughing and howling for weeks and weeks.

This time, though, it's not more whining about how the glamour model feels for losing her sex drive and how she thinks she's turning into a desperate housewife too tame for her precious hubby Peter Andre. No, it's back in old Jordan disaster mode - and it looks like she's got at least some of her old swagger back. Enough, at least, to talk about her sex life. Again.

No, stay calm, it's not more on the size of Pete's penis, her vagina tightening or pissing and pooping in front of her husband. It's just the fact that Jordan feels her sex life is like a horror movie. "Pete is the sicko, not me" she says. "I'm an extremist". I do wish she had elaborated on that one just a little more - not too much - but I must confess, curiosity is getting the better of me. I have to ask, what does she mean by "sicko"?

Is Pete a pervert? Fetishist? I am fully aware I might live to regret having asked the question, as I really don't want to know what goes on in their bedroom - but I can't be blamed for wanting some extra documentation, can I?

"Have you seen the film Hostel? Our sex life is like that" she states. Hostel, I remind you, is all about a group of businessmen who pay to have people tortured to death for their amusement. Does that mean Pete's into the whole cutting and bruising thing, or is it just the atmosphere in their room while they are having sex - that is, one of them is struggling to get out while the other will hold a gun to their head and order them to get laid?

Or maybe they just like cutting each other's fingers off, just for the fun of it. I have no idea, but I pray Jordan tells us more - just so that I have a good enough reason to call the cops and show them exactly what kind of nutter she is. Then maybe get her a psych referral, too. Hopefully.