Jordan's Boobs Are The Only Thing About Her That Is Not...Orange!

Jordan is just my favorite model in the whole wide world. I mean, just look at her - no, really, if you have to, put sunglasses on and dare to throw her a glimpse. What do you see? OK, take five minutes and let your eyes adjust, and then tell me. She's just...well, extremely accomplished. She's got it all. She's smart, has great (plastic) boobs, great (plastic-looking) hair and is just about the most narcissistic person alive. Otherwise I can't understand why she would want to come up with marketing plans for so many products that bear her name.

I mean, she's got a line of hair care electricals out, a book on ponies...and now a perfume? Well, yes, and she's just very proud to flash her orange-looking self to the world. And when I say orange, I mean...really, really orange. Like, the worse fake tan you've ever seen. Whenever I look at her, I just imagine her going to sleep in a bed with clean white sheets and waking up with her skin white and the bedsheets glowing with a healthy bronze tan.

The problem is, I think her brain might have got a little over-exposed too, otherwise I can't imagine why she'd want to go out in public looking like an overdone roast chicken. Not to mention we can totally see her bra, and it ain't looking that sexy. My question to her is, why would someone who's promoting a new fragrance called "Stunning" would want to stun her fans by looking as fake as possible...and posing in a way that makes her even more artificial than Posh Spice - and that's saying something!

Anyway, you can admire Jordan posing and meeting her fans at the Perfume Shop in Castle Court Shopping Center in Belfast, Ireland yesterday. She's lucky she hasn't planned a visit to the States these days, I'm sure someone would have mistaken her for a roast turkey and followed her around with a knife and fork. The problem is, I have a feeling Jordan would not have been too alarmed at this and would probably have turned the whole thing into a memorable sexual experience which she would have eventually shared with her husband and the rest of the world. Everybody, say "Jordan glows!"