Jordan's Back Talking S**t

Dear Jordan, you have to simply love her... I mean, she's such a foul-mouthed chatterbox, she's just any journalist's dream... Just imagine interviewing her. You don't even have to think about outrageous things to ask her and then maybe slip a question or two in between talking about the weather, plastic surgery and 10 fail-safe ways of enhancing your boobies. But Jordan...she's just something else completely.

Like, for example, remember last week when she gave us all the goods about her husband's penis? Well, I can't find another word for that except phenomenal. Really, really good stuff. I bet you that whole "as big as a sky+remote" was the result of some very very deep thinking. It's in fact an extremely haunting metaphor most of us can't understand. And while I have no idea what exactly that means, I can tell, for example, that they must have had some fun measuring it – in case, of course, he hasn't had some solo fun doing the measuring. And maybe he did the thinking too, ‘cause as far as she's concerned... And now, in case there were some more really gross things we don't know but we really, really want to learn about her sex life, here's another dish of solid facts.

And it looks like the model would stop at nothing to make sure her sex life with hubby Peter Andre is as smooth as his carefully shaved a*s. And looks like she's got some pretty dirty things in mind. And I mean that literally. Take a look. "I have a wee on the toilet in front of him, but I'd never have a poo in front of Pete, unless it was a sexual act!", Jordan said. Gee, thanks for all the info, woman! But really now, was it necessary? Was it? And here's another one. Apparently, Jordan isn't quite happy with the size of her vagina. She told the News Of The World magazine that "yes, I'm thinking of having my vagina tightened. After having three kids, I'd really notice the difference. By the time I'm finished I'll be like a nun". Man oh man, that's gotta hurt. In all ways possible.

Hmm...I still insist to argue that the nuns would not completely agree and I do wonder if we're meant to take that in the literal way. But then again, maybe it's not so much a whim as a necessity, especially if good ol' Pete's been using his "remote control" one too many times. And in the end, he'll be the happiest in the world about this whole business, although to be honest, I think he'd much rather the whole world didn't know about it too.