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Jessica Simpson Should Give Up Acting and Take Up Stripping

It would probably get better reviews than her (still-existing?) upcoming movie

By Monica Gaza, Entertainment News Editor

7th of September 2007, 09:38 GMT

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She may be all hot'n'pink, but her movie sure isn't!

Once upon a time, Jessica Simpson was supposed to act (some would use the word "star") in a movie called 'Blonde Ambition". Better make sure that guy Criss Angel hasn't been involved (wait, he has a strong alibi: he's been hanging around with Britney Spears these past weeks) 'cause this sure looks like a disappearing act of the formerly blonde, recently brunette singer. And while we're all wondering what exactly happened to the film which was once Simpson's pride and joy, let's not forget that there are some clues which might point us in the right direction as to solving this deep, thrilling mystery.

Clue number 1: Disastrous trailer. Disastrous doesn't even begin to describe it, in fact. Check it out below and prepare to be shocked. I can't even say for sure what I hate about it - Jess' non-existant acting skills, the sheer bad quality of the trailer itself or the silly voice-over that goes "a story about knowing who you are and discovering where you belong". Yeas, I think we're all getting a pretty good idea on this movie but I reserve judgement for when it hits the theaters, in case it's ever going to happen.

Clue number 2: Jessica is a horrible actress. Well, "horrible" is a complex term that requires disambiguation. Lets' see. We have one lame actress. Check. How do we know she's lame? Well, it's just one of those things you know instinctively, like you know Paris will always be an amateur and Lindsay

Is it just me, or is there a generally dumb air about her?

Lohan will never manage to keep herself drug-free. Plus, a source states that "Jessica was not very focused on-set and flubbed her lines often. She always had her dog around, was on the phone with [then-] boyfriend John Mayer or was sitting in a warmed-up SUV". There have also been reports that Simpson had to be fitted with a hidden earpiece at some point so that someone could help along with the lines. That is SO embarrassing!

Clue number three: daddy Simpson has his hands way too deep in this one. Sources claim that the singer's manager dad has pushed back the release date twice because apparently even through all that paternal love he managed to the movie sucks. "First, the release date was set for Aug. 3, and then it was delayed until the last week of August," says a source. "Papa Joe then intervened and said he wasn't comfortable with the level of competition from other films that month".

Clue number Four: did someone actually pay money to have Andy Dick in a movie? Man oh man, sometimes I have this feeling that we live in a world that's in fact one giant flying saucer filled with all sorts of goofy, gooey aliens. This guy is just too much for words. But then again, this is a Jessica Simpson movie - who did you expect, Brad Pitt?

So, the answer to the big question about where the movie disappeared, the answer is, probably down the drain. With only Luke Wilson to distract us from naming it Razzie favourite, it's a sure trip downwards for the blonde menace. I wonder if it's a coincidence that the explosive Anna Nicole Smith tell-all book is also called "Blonde Ambition". Hmm. Sounds like a question for the ages. In the meantime, stay tuned for more of Jassica's blonde blunders, as I'm sure we won't be disappointed.

TAGS:

Jessica Simpson | Luke Wilson | Blonde Ambition | movie trailer

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