Jessica Simpson is either the dumbest blonde in showbiz or the smartest woman in the industry, for making comments like these that you're about to read. The bottom line is that, whichever of the two turns out to be true, she still has nothing much to talk about to the press now, so I guess bringing her boobs and a cock into discussion helps... a lot!

In a recent interview, the curvy Jessica chose not to talk about her latest movies (like 'Employee of the Month' - which totally sucked, or 'Blonde Ambition' - which will probably suck even more) or about her album ('And the Band Played On', that bombed in all the charts), but opted for a more 'accessible' topic: her breasts. Plus, a cock.

Thus, we all get to learn something that, truly, I don't know if we could have lived without or which totally brings new meaning into our barren existences: as a teenager, Jessica Simpson was 'handicapped' by her breasts. No! Get outta here!

The singer says that, as she tried to make a name for herself as a gospel singer, she repeatedly came across the priests' refusal to allow her to sing solos in church, in front of the congregation. Jessica concluded that this must have happened because her breasts were too big and attracted men's attention, diverting them from praying. But now (thank God!) that she has found fame as a pop star, she is no longer ashamed of her breasts because, you see, she 'owns' them.

'I always felt they disabled me from what I wanted to do. Now, I own them. They're like wearing a great necklace. You can't pay for that sort of accessory - though I know people do. But they never look as good at the real ones.', Jessica is quoted as saying.

And, speaking of necklaces, Miss Simpson has a very interesting one in the form of a cock. No, not that kind of cock, but a bird! She told Britain's 'Glamor' magazine that it symbolizes her not getting any kind of action on the horizontal. 'This pendant is my cock! This is about as raunchy as I get these days. I don't have one at the moment, so I wear one round my neck! I cannot fall asleep. I'm a little sexually frustrated right now.', Jessica said.

OK, so we got the picture: boobs and sexual frustration. Here's one word for Jessica Simpson: DISCRETION. It sounds like 'erection' (that which she doesn't get), but it's not...