It's Dina, Y'all - Live on Crack-Head TV

Yesterday was "crack-head gone good" day, today is "celebrity parents cashing in on their kids" day. It's so nice to have just a little bit of continuity in our lives, isn't it? But no, this is not about Britney Spears, her mother, her dogs or her filthy hair. Close enough to Britney, though, as we're confronted with the reality (literally) of having one of the infamous celebrity parents out there. Well, maybe "infamous" needs a little bit more explaining added to it. It's Dina Lohan, bitches. Need more?

Whether we like it or not, Dina Lohan is coming. And she's more deluded than ever, more keen to make us listen to her opinions...well, what more can I add about the woman who named herself "the White Oprah". The fact is, I'm not sure Dina knows that people don't need sugar-coated niceties, and they don't expect her to play the cleaned-up soccer mom. I mean, like it or not, she made a name for herself as a deluded, big-mouthed attention seeker and if she wants reasonable ratings that's what she's gonna have to deliver.

"There are so many misconceptions about me and my family. I'm setting the record straight", Dina told People magazine. So, I take it she is not doing it for the money or for the attention. No, she's doing it because she's such a righteous person and she simply can't take other mean people believing she's not. Oh, and by the way, just as a fact of life, she claims LiLo will be looking in from time to time. "Lindsay is a family member and will lend a helping hand if [little sister] Ali asks her, when she's in the recording studio", Dina stated.

Well, what can I say? I have a theory, you know. If a deluded attention-seeking Lohan talks about success, being a good parent and cultivating careers, Apocalypse is not far behind. Just have a look. "It's about empowering women to be successful single mothers. About being in the limelight without compromising motherhood.", Dina also states. Has she suddenly become the Pope or something? And why didn't I get the news?

"It's about what I do, how you can be successful, and be a single mom and fulfilling your kids' dreams. Working is my sole source of income. It won't just be following my family around like other shows. It'll show me cultivating careers, going to soccer practice. I'm a big supporter of domestic violence charities, so they'll show that. Then they'll show [her son] Cody at soccer practice. Ali going to school and in the studio. It'll encompass everything. You'll see me having five business meetings in the city". OK, I do hope Michael Lohan will be coming in at some point - she definitely sounds like she's in bad need of some serious action. And I don't mean reality show action. We'll see where this leads - but I have one word for you: disaster.