In at 3.15, Out at 4.37. Nicole's Terrifying 82 Minutes in Jail

Nicole Richie's managed to pull another stunt on all of us. Remember how a couple of weeks ago we were all wondering how the poor thing was going to handle the four days in jail she was sentenced to serve by the end of September? Well, wonder no more. Nicole managed to work her magic on the law enforcement segment of the US population and managed to break the record for the shortest amount of time a celebrity ever spent in jail. No, it's not a week, not even a couple of days, but a staggering 82 minutes. Reason? Well, according to the Los Angeles County Sheriff's Department, it was jail overcrowding. Like any of us would actually believe that.

Boy, I think Paris Hilton must be pissed right now! I mean, compared to Nicole's 82 minutes, the 22 days that the hotel heiress served at the same facility in Lynwood, California are an eternity. So what exactly did Nicole do in the hour and a half she was actually inside the prison building (since I believe it's idiotic to actually talk as if she actually stayed IN jail, she just took a guided tour and came out)? Well, she reported for booking, listed at 5'1" and 105 lbs. She was processed into the system and then...well, then she was released. If only jail were that easy for the rest of us...

And what did the officials have to say about her early release? I mean, you would have thought they would have had enough of the media criticism when they had Paris Hilton on their hands a while back. But no, this time they didn't fear Nicole killing herself, they just...didn't have a good enough nail salon to go with her private cell and spa and decided to put off the sleepover and let Nicole go home to all those little creature comforts she enjoys so much. "The sheriff" they claim "wants everyone to do 100% of their time. Unfortunately, the facilities we have, and the capacity we have as mandated by the federal court, doesn't allow us to do that" an official statement says. Well, that just about settles it.

So there's justice for you. Nicole Richie comes out for a stroll with her boyfriend and her lawyer, goes to jail, comes out quickly and then probably goes home to celebrate her triumphant exist and have a good ol' laugh. I do wonder what would have been the chance of this happening if it were just an ordinary person being busted for DUI. But hey, you gotta love celebrities even when they're above the law. I mean, it would be such a dull, gray, empty life without them.