If She Loses Her Soul, Would That Shut Her Up?

Keira Knightley should marry Kanye West - and then, once we made sure two of the world's biggest whiners are together, we could pack them both in a space ship and send them to bitch away on the Moon or Mars. I think there would be plenty of people ready to pay for the space ship out of their own pockets. The fact is, I think that at some levels Keira is worse than Kanye - at least he admits he enjoys his successes and only throws a tantrum once every major award ceremony, otherwise he's quite cool. But Keira - she's a different business. She complains about fame, being in the spotlight, being talked about, NOT being talked about...just about everything under the sun.

And this is the latest bout of complaining she's done, talking about the paparazzi and how she feels they steal her soul. Yes, take out your hankies, this is major drama stuff. "I look in the mirror and go 'Oh no! More spots, more acne!' And I'm not comfortable being photographed when I'm being myself". Yes, well that makes perfect sense. I was being ironic - actually, it doesn't make any sense at all.

If Keira only wants to be photographed when she's a fake shell made up of designer clothes and a ton of make-up, it's OK - there's nothing unusual about that. It even has a name - it's called "vanity". But then, why does she complain about being made famous by clothes and hairstyles done by other people if in the end it's what keeps her safe from being ridiculed by the tabloids? "I don't like people who tell me I look crap. I think kindness is a good quality, and that doesn't always mean honesty" she claims.

So basically, she wants to be herself but at the same time she doesn't want to be told she sometimes doesn't look perfect. That's definitely some wicked sense of honesty. And if that wasn't enough, here's more Keira patented whining, this time about how she feels the paparazzi are stealing her soul. "I believe the Aborigines say that every photo takes away a bit of your soul. It's very odd but I think there's some truth in that".

That's very clever and all that, but I think she'll need to explain exactly which photos she means - those in which she looks pretty, or those in which we can see her pimples? 'cause I bet those with the pimples weigh less on the "soul-stealing" scale.

"I could definitely say that if I could possibly be an actress with the career that I've got but be completely anonymous, I'd choose that". Right. But if she really wanted to be anonymous, then she wouldn't care about being photographed while not looking her stage best. It's all just way too mixed up to figure out. All I can say (besides "shut your mouth, girl, you're driving us crazy and you're not making any sense") is that maybe we should just try to ignore her. I bet she'd come crawling for attention in no time - I'd give her 2 weeks. Tops.