Ice-T Takes Coco Out for a Walk on the Beach

While surfing the Internet, minding my own business, working like the white-collared, model citizen that I'm pretending to be, I stumbled upon a few pictures of Ice-T and his wife, some ex-stripper known as Coco Nicole Austin. My brain was fried instantly, and my eyes melted. I mean, what the hell, man? WTF???

I searched this character on the web and found some more pictures of her, from the NFSW category. What the hell does Ice-T see in her anyway? She looks like a hybrid between a whale and a bulldog. Even worse, she shows it to everyone in a disgusting vulgar way too. I mean, lots of porn stars turned clean after a certain age, but this one...hell...she's like fifty, or at least looks like she's fifty. So I also searched her biography and, to my surprise, I found out that she WASN'T fifty years old but twenty-eight. Oh, and she's not a porn star, although from her picture catalog, I could've sworn she was...

So, let's see all the information we have: she's twenty eight and going on fifty, she's more vulgar than a porn star but she's not one, she's big and huge and injected with silicon and botox and all that, and from what I've read, she's not exactly the brightest pumpkin in the patch either. So my question is...why doesn't Ice-T marry a real porn star? An X-rated celebrity would've been hotter, probably thinner, with a brain, some class and lots of hard-worked money. But nooooo...he has to walk the whale on the beach... Be careful man, Greenpeace might sue you for tormenting the wildlife and the nice citizens that want to take a quiet sun bath. You're taking all their sun, man! They'll mark their calendar: on the 13th of July, 2008, there was a total eclipse of the sun...caused by planet Coco.

Ice Ice baby, do us all a favor, either cover up your woman or keep her indoors, better yet, in the basement. Coz today, the world has seen a year's worth of artificially hyper-inflated boobs and a*s. Oh, there is one good thing though about all this exposure to Coco's meat mounds! People could learn that unhealthy food might cause extreme damage to the consumer, and eye burns to those around. I can dream, can't I?