How Come No One Invited Paris to the Oscars?

All this talk about the Oscars is making me ask myself: where was the most talented actress and accomplished singer on earth on Sunday night? How come no one saw her strutting her stuff on the red carpet? Was Paris Hilton sick that night and that is why she missed out on such an important event? No doubt she was missed...

Okay, that was such a big lie! Paris Hilton was not only not invited to the ceremony, but she was also snubbed for the many pre- and post-Oscar parties. Ouch! That's gotta hurt when you live under the illusion that you are too good for this world (as is the case with Paris)! The woman everybody would have wanted at their galas a couple of months ago is going through what we might call a slow and painful social death.

It all began last summer, when Paris (we'd say THE Paris, if only we would be allowed to refer to her as to inanimate object) was denied access to a club and that was more than enough to set an example. Slowly (but surely as poison), more club owners began to refuse to let the partying heiress in their establishments, even if that meant a fall in terms of publicity for them. Denying access to Paris became the new IT thing and the entire world picked up on that.

But she is not to be let down so easily - after all, she did build a career for herself by doing nothing so what would the world say if she just 'retired' from showbiz for not being invited at some lame Oscar party? And who is this guy Oscar that makes people go crazy for him? Does he, like, mean anything to anyone? Surely not! So, Paris took her sad and rejected ass and held her own 'gala'... let those people who only 'pretend' to be actors go to the Oscars 'cause Paris is going to par-tay!

Although her birthday was exactly one week ago and she celebrated it then in Las Vegas (no one important came to that party either), Paris gave herself another birthday bash. After a night out with the girls, she went home and hosted what can only be called the party of the century. The VIP guests were, let's see: Paris' mom Kathy (hm!), Nicole Richie and Joel Madden, her more recent flame, Mischa Barton (what?, she wasn't invited at the Oscars either?), Ian Ziering (you might remember him, he starred in 'Beverly Hills 90210' and is now a contestant on 'Dancing With the Stars'), Brandon 'Greasy Bear' Davis and his brother 'Gummi Bear', one of Hugh Hefner's three ladies, Courtney Love and... oh, Paris' publicist, Eliot Mintz, who brought her a present wrapped in old newspapers.

Is there anyone who cares in the slightest about Penelope Cruz, Jennifer Hudson, Helen Mirren and I don't know what siren of the silver screen? No, way! You wanna know why? Because Paris is probably the only one in this world who truly knows how to sabotage the Academy Awards, by simply throwing one of the most exquisite parties in the world. Happy birthday, Paris dearest! You're... how much and a week?