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Hot&Sexy - The Best of 2005 MoviesCool as ice & hot as fire |
By Cristi Marculescu, Entertainment Editor
21st of January 2006, 16:36 GMT
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Well, it's just a matter of time until Basic Instinct-The Sequel will pop out in cinemas everywhere... until then a short retrospective of the sexiest things showed in 2005's movies seems rather needed.
The following categories are not supposed to be the ultimate sexy stuff, but are a movie goer's pick. So, the 9 objects of desire would be:
1. The City of Sin
... aka Basin City or Frank Miller's and Robert Rodrigues' Sin City. A place where corruption, crime and violence are the stuff life and dreams are made of.
A place where all women are hot and deadly, and most of them are modern legion of amazon warriors dressed in leather thongs, bras made of chains, high heeled up to the knee boots and fishnet stockings.
Just think of Rosario Dawson (sex-bomb of the year, also to be admired in all her nude glory in Oliver Stone's Alexander), Carla Gugino, Brittany Murphy, Devon Aoki, Jessica Alba and Alexis Bledel running, fighting, being brutalized by men or applying brutal punishments to men.
2. Blue lust
Into the Blue is no cinematographic masterpiece, in fact it's a rather dull and boring movie that seems to have a plot involving some sunken plane filled with coke, some mobsters and an ancient treasure. It's totally worth seeing for the 2 bikini wearing beauties:
Jessica Alba and Ashley Scott, walking, talking, diving, swimming, and whatever else in their bikini. You got the picture?
The movie also involves 2 well sculpted male bodies, Paul Walker and Scott Caan's to be more exact, and a mean character played by the model-turned to acting Tyson Beckford. Is it fair for the female audience to enjoy more eye candy than the men?
3. Bruce Wayne
Aka Batman, aka billionaire extraordinaire played by Christian Bale. Nolan's Batman movie lacks many things and the cool villains and sexy femmes fatales are headlights on the missing persons' list but the lead character is the beefiest batman impersonator ever to be seen on the silver screen.
It's not enough to compensate the movie's turn-offs, but Bale's physical (in fact muscular) recovery after the uber-thin character he played in The Machinist is admirable.
4. Amber Valletta
The sexiest killer-esse in the dumbest action packed movie of the year. Luc Besson and Louis Leterrier's production Transporter2 is unbelievably silly, utterly stupid and still totally entertaining. As the gracious pink lingerie wearing high-heeled blond Audrey Billins appears with a huge gun in each hand you just know there's more hot stuff to come. And indeed seduction occurs as Miss Valletta commits more and more felonies and Jason Statham's Transporter has to resist her charm and save the world.
5. A Dirty Shame
The Baltimore movie terrorist's 17th flic is indeed dirty, but not at all shameful. John Walters, well known for his acts of aggression aimed at the common taste strikes wonderfully with a funny metaphor of a small city's quietness and pure non sexual live torn apart by a sex prophet and his 11 sex apostles.
Besides the genuinely brilliant dialogs ("It's not safe out! People are shaving their crotches as we speak. There is pubic hair in the air! Everywhere!"; "My daughter's a good girl, she hates sex!": "Paige: Admit to God - you are a whore. Sylvia Stickles: I'm a whore. Paige: Make a list of all the people you've f*****d and apologize to their parents. "), the movie also glitters with funny sexual (nick)names such as Ursulla Utters, Fat F*** Frank and Caprice Stickles.
Ursulla Utters is the immoral queen of breasts. Her cleavage is huge enough to fill by its self the entire screen and her behavior is far from decent... until an overdose of Prozac causes the 8th and 9th wonders of the world to deflate... and then inflate back to their gigantesque size.
6. The fantastic four
Not the four superheroes and the movie named after the comics they star in, but the hottest two females and two males of 2005: Angelina Jolie, Scarlett Johansson, Jamie Bell and Clive Owen.
Angelina... forget all the media coverage of the Brangelina thing, forget about the ladies' magazines (and some totally misguided men's publication) that placed the dumpee Jennifer Aniston on the covers. The fact is: Angelina is hotter than hell and no Aniston lookalike creature would ever make anyone watch with interest Cyborg2 or Gia.
Scarlett Johansson's thespian talents have been often questioned but this might not happen after this year's Match Point. Woody Allen used her as the sexy threat to a young tennis player's escalade to the high life of London and her humping in the fields sequence is memorable.
Clive Owen is America's brand new British lover. It has to be him: Jude Law is losing his hair, Ewan McGregor's latest movies are not very fortunately chosen, sir Anthony Hopkins is getting older and older, Cillian Murphy looks like the victim of a genetic experiment.
The once ballerina boy Jamie Bell is the trendiest thing to be have on the poster of any indie movie (Undertow, Chumscrubber, Dear Wendy) and also had a supporting part in Peter Jackson's remake of King Kong.
7. The horror! The sexy horror!!!
'No more eviscerations or mutilations if not accessorized with some sexy images" seems to be the new guiding rule of 2005's horror remakes.
Just think about Jessica Biel's cleavage shoots as she runs scared haunted by Leatherface. Or remember Ryan Reynolds as he spends half of his screen time with his sixpack at display in the mediocre remake of the mediocre 70's Amityville horror.
8. Dirty talking
Obviously as in Waters' movie, but also theatrically astonishing as in Mike Nichols's screen adaptation of a play by Patrick Marber. Named Closer, Nichols' take on love relationships is utterly dirty when it comes to dialogs.
This extract of a passion driven conversation between two former lovers is more than enough to enlighten anyone about the movies edginess: "-Anna: We do everything that people who have sex do! -Larry: Do you enjoy s****** him off? -Anna: Yes! -Larry: You like his c***? -Anna: I love it! -Larry: You like him coming in your face? -Anna: Yes! -Larry: What does it taste like? -Anna: It tastes like you but sweeter! -Larry: That's the spirit. Thank you. Thank you for your honesty. Now f*** off and die, you f****d up slag."
9. THE CLASSICS...
Boobs... lots of them… but in order to prevent excessive drooling just mentioning their proud owners shall suffice: Rosario Dawson, Eva Green (ironically portrayed by Italian shocker Bernardo Bertolucci as Venus of Milo in The Dreamers), Angelina Jolie's jolly accessories, and last but not least Selma Blair's utters... as in Ursula Utters.
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Good (3.2/5) |
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