Hooray! Mariah Carey Topless and Her Skimpy Bikini Bottom

Oh, boy! This is truly shocking news. Now, hands up those of you who ever thought they would live to see a photo of Mariah Carey hiding her naked breasts behind her own arms and hair, a magazine, a glass of champagne and not much else except that. I mean, don't get me wrong - I definitely haven't forgotten who I'm talking about, and yes, I know that Mariah usually wears dresses that leave little to the imagination. Pardon my lack of explicitness - I should have mentioned that she wears slutty dresses that look like they were bought at a shabby eighties-themed store and that leave little to the imagination. And in case you need a little reminder, here it is. Just as an afterthought - how many ribs do you think the feisty Mimi had removed and how many days do you think it took her to prepare for this one shot? Kidding...

The fact is, Mariah Carey is the last person I'd expect to see smiling so casually and showing off her slim-looking body without extensive rehearsals. I mean, for crying out loud, this is the lady who makes sure her bodyguards chase everyone out of a restaurant rest room before she even condescends to... ahem, use it. So I sort of deduced that she is quite keen... not on privacy (if she were keen on privacy, she would not expose her private parts in dresses that don't flatter her in the least), but on making sure that when she does expose some of her curves to the public eye, it's all staged perfectly. Whenever I look at her, I have this image of a perfectly arranged bowl of fruit, you know, the kind we see in advertisements and on TV, and that looks casually natural but in fact needed 10 stylists working overtime to get all the bananas and pears and grapes to look the way they do. Well, in my view Mimi's pretty much the same - only except the "casually natural" part.

And yes, I admit, she does look good. I'm really curious what kind of "treatment" she adopted, whether she went the pills, surgery or the diet way in order to look the way she does. And just look at her, her eyes are totally talking to us. She's saying 'oh, look at me, aren't I pretty? I mean, really, look, I'm only wearing a bikini bottom and you can almost see my boobs, look! Oh, and can you believe how classy I am? Champagne... glossy magazine... I'm simply the ultimate diva..." Yes, well, I think it's time we all had a break and stopped looking at this sugary photo of Mimi, or else we risk getting diabetes. And I'm not even joking about that...