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Here Comes the Buttafuoco Sex Tape!Unfortunately, it's for real... |
By Monica Gaza, Entertainment News Editor
9th of January 2008, 10:08 GMT
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I had no idea that starring in your own sex tape was a form of high art. But apparently it is, and I'm sure that with the Golden Globes canceled and the Oscars heading the same way, we're soon going to witness the rise of a whole new awards industry, which will deal with reality TV shows and sex tape protagonists, handing out nominations in categories such as "best shaved male and female genitalia", "best faked orgasm" and "best plot to make a sex tape release pass for accidental". I'm sure it will all work out nicely - and we'll even see a much-needed sex tape hierarchy emerge. We can't have masterpieces of the genre like Paris' or Kim's tapes sit on the same shelf as a sex tape released by, say, Joey Buttafuoco. Oh, you didn't know there was such a thing? I'm telling you that there is - and it even has a release date pinned to it. You see, the sex tape world really does need some order brought into it - and fast.
I know, desperate times call for desperate measures. And no, I actually didn't think the guy with the most ridiculous name in the universe could actually sink to a new, all-time low, but apparently he can - and he does. So, world, Joey Buttafuoco has a sex tape, and it will be released by Red Light District, the same adult movie distribution company that put out Amy Fisher's sex tape. I know, birds of a feather... But if I were to give full vent to all my thoughts right about now, I'd probably mention a few nasty things, such as the fact that no one wants to see a fat old has-been do the nasty, and the fact that it's probably only going to be used by bulimic and anorexic chicks all over the world whenever they feel they want to release some of the pressure in their stomachs. Well, anything that's not Ipecac must feel like a real relief, if you know what I mean.
The problem is that this whole "Amy Fisher releases a sex tape and then the guy whose wife she shot releases a sex tape" madness is just too ridiculous for words. I don't know if it's just me, but has the world gone completely crazy? Is this a secret competition, something along the lines of "whose sex tape grosses out the most people"? Cause it sure looks like it is. And yes, I do think all the people out there who think they're enough of a celebrity for the world to be interested in the size of their genitalia need to come up with better story lines for releasing their s**t. In Joey's case, he claims that the tape was shot at the residence of an adult movie director (that must be just about the funniest job on the planet) during a party, and he didn't know someone was actually filming the action. Yes, that makes total sense. My final word on this? Gross!
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