Sex Tape Skills On The Beach

Watch out, Rihanna, step aside Leona Lewis – there's a new hot singer in town, and she's kicking a*s. I think it's a pity she only launched her first single a few days ago and she's not in the running for this year's Grammy Awards. She would have been a sure winner. But no worries, she'll definitely make the list next year – and when her album will hit the shelves, the music world will stop and listen – and then give her the praise she really deserves. OK, I was joking. Well, actually I was being ironic – since this post is all about "The Hills" alumn Heidi Montag, and I know most of you probably hate her complete and utter fakeness – but come on, she's struggling to kick-start her musical career, we should at least try to be helpful. A little bit. No? OK then, but when she gets that Grammy I was talking about I bet you we'll be eating our words.

Actually, there's a different reason for me posting this (apart from today being a horribly slow day): today Heidi launched the video for her clip, which is in fact unworthy of the title – it's not a professionally made video at all, but simply a string of images depicting Heidi in a bikini frolicking around on the edge of the ocean, looking like a more elaborate foreplay... I mean, like the beginning of a well-directed porn movie. I kept looking at Heidi on the beach, climbing rocks and striking fake pose after fake pose, and all I could hear was that sort of expressionless music that's being played while porn actors and actresses go at it in various... ahem, positions. Just like Heidi. Actually, I have a feeling that she could teach them all a few tricks.

In any case, this video looks like it was shot by an eleven year-old who just got his first camera as a birthday present. I'm sure it cost... what, $100 to shoot? And yes, I must admit I did watch it from beginning to end, mainly because I was looking forward to getting to the part where Heidi strips out of her bikini and either starts having sex, or she takes off Superman-like into the skies on a mission to rid the world of professionally shot videos. Well, here it is below – the video, I mean – I don't know if I'm doing you a favor by posting it but just out of curiosity and if you haven't had breakfast yet... you may give it a go. But be warned - keep your ears almost completely covered at all times.




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