A little bit of that “look at me, I'm famous” syndrome

Nov 4, 2014 13:51 GMT  ·  By

Last year I heard the phrase “Halloween is the new Christmas for adults” and I was intrigued about the thought process that went behind such a statement, but for the life of me, I couldn't figure it out what could have caused such a comparison. It seemed like the kind of thing a philosophy major would say after smoking a bad batch of weed.

Some time has passed since then and the thought went into the deeper recesses of my mind, seemingly into a state of limbo. I went on about my life and didn't care about the whole incident until last weekend, when, to my shock, the phrase literally jumped back into my mind when I began to see the parade of celebrity Halloween costumes being presented in the entertainment press and social media.

Celebrities love Halloween because it gives them a reason to show off and attract attention

All of a sudden, all these celebrities competing hard to outdo one another in terms of attention on Halloween made me realize that, yes, Halloween is like a grown-up version of what Christmas is for kids, except with no presents other than self-gratification at being the center of attention.

Female stars in particular enjoy Halloween. Since, in later years, the process of picking out a costume seems to revolve around less and less material and trying to sleaze up every other female character out there, C and D-list celebrities who couldn't otherwise land a news title choose to expose themselves in what passes for sexy outfits these days.

Are you a failing reality star, a has-been musician or a talentless hack with no other merit other than having tons of plastic surgery done on yourself in order to look like a walking-talking male fantasy? Then Halloween is the holiday for you!

Every costume in later years has to be “naughty” something: naughty nurse, witch, vampire, firefighter

Just strap into a nurse costume, a firefighter, a vampire, a witch or better yet, some appealing character from a current television series or cult movie, and your 15 minutes of fame are guaranteed. You'll make that headline, and who knows, maybe some agent is going to remember that you exist and give you a call, thus putting you back on the map.

Or you can go out and get stone-faced drunk and have the paparazzi snap you as you stumble out of the club at 3 in the morning, and the next day the tabloids are going to be shaming you and have a field day poking fun at your expense. But any publicity is good publicity, right?

Here's what you favorite celebrities wore this year

But don't think that only D-listers feel the need to show off, A-listers take Halloween seriously. This year, for example, the likes of Kim Kardashian, Rihanna and Beyonce chose to take part, opting for funny, enticing of just weird costumes.

Kim had a debt to pay, so she decided to honor Vogue editor Anna Wintour by dressing up just like her. While she thought that she was witty and funny, we all thought that she was a lick-spittle who decided to grovel to Wintour in the hopes of future favorable reviews and maybe another cover.

Singer Katy Perry decided that she was going with the “what the hell” factor as she decided to show up dressed up as a giant Cheeto. Of course, we should have seen it coming since she also owns a pizza onesie she parades on her social media.

Rihanna, who hasn't come up with a hit song for quite some time, came as a Ninja Turtle along with 3 of her friends, complete with green leggings and shell-shaped backpacks, and in her mind, she probably thought she killed it. She must not have gotten the memo that “Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles” was a flop at the box office.

Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan decided to come as their usual selves, meaning that their outfits were outrageously tacky and revealing, some naughty variation of the vampire/witch/ghoul trifecta. And speaking on their usual self, this year's Halloween was won by former Spice Girl Mel B, who wore a costume of her former persona, Scary Spice, which is very meta when you think about it.

Is “naughty Ebola Nurse” costume really a fad now? Sadly, yes

Luckily for us, no celebrity, A-list or otherwise, came out in the “Naughty Ebola Nurse” costume which was all the rage on the Internet this year. It was actually one of the best sellers as every woman starting with your next door neighbor and ending with your divorced aunt who got really drunk at the last year's family reunion and began hitting on one of the caterers.

Here's to next year, when all of the failed celebrities are going to come out of the woodwork again and all of the real celebrities are going to show up again simply so that millions of people back home can give them a virtual high five and make them feel that better about themselves.