The Euro ITV interactive TV conference in Greece was the scene were Larry “the Cable Guy” Page exhibited a new advertising perversity that feeds on the concept of “mass personalization”. In all fairness, it wasn’t Larry, were his pants that dealt with the obscene presentation of a Google technology designed to listen to an acoustic ambient and match the information, word for word with online advertisements.

Want some pictures with that Larry? How about a video stream?! All that nonsense talking, moaning, and grinning, sniffing, barfing, scratching, spiting is going to amount to nothing more than a pile of binary illogical data without some video feedback.

How about it, Larry? Wanna watch a movie? What kind? A documentary. Oh, it’s got all the good stuff. Abuse, comedy, drama, e-porn - there’s some hot girl-on-keyboard action involved, prime time, Larry, premium stuff, you’re not gonna get this on HBO. Want some popcorn with that? And then Larry… we’re gonna send them commercials, lots of commercials, and publicity and advertisements, yes Larry, yes we will!

Yyyyeeeeeeeeeeeeessssssssssssssssssssssssssssss!!! Google Advertising Utopia, Larry!!!

Speaking of which… Well, I finally gave in… It’s the World Cup, so I’m a contextual victim, a martyr crucified on a Nike or Adidas football or whoever designed it. Because this is a modern ball, it requires management and technology, structure and architecture, aesthetics and design to get it … well… round…!!!

Thursday June 22nd, late in the afternoon some Philippines or Chinese team is running about on the green. Running with, at, from, over them is another bunch of players from Ecuador or Puerto Rico. Actually neither are what they’re pretending to be but it does not matter because they all look Romanian to me… Yes, they are playing that poorly. It never seizes to amaze me how much they can struggle at a sport that requires about the same amount of intelligence, precision and concentration as does scratching. Oh well, they’re all born to Google, especially the Chinese, but I already addressed this in a prior editorial. When finally Brazil beat Japan 3 to 1, I started thinking…

Would I let Larry “the Cable Guy” Page into my house? Would I let him take a sneak peak into my circadian rhythms? Would I let his advertisements into my mind? Would YOU? Would I really want an advertisement concerning that Suzuki character that scored one for the Chinese on the web page I’m viewing just because the sportscaster said his name? “I can’t quit you baby” by Led Zeppelin is coming out of my stereos as I write. Would I want a Google to shove some random generated Led T-shirts down my throat the next time I’ll login on the piratebay.org (we love them don’t we, we should show some support)? Would you?

At what point will the average 200 pounds and counting American, savagely throw his half empty Kentucky Fried Chicken 5 pound discount bucket as far as half a foot, spill his 4 litter plastic glass of sugar saturated coke, wipe the grease and sweat from his face and say with a mouth full of chicken: Mother@+%$#< Larry “The cable Guy” Page! @+%$ Larry!!!

At what point does the metamorphosis of stochastic advertising into personalized publicity become a direct manipulation tool? This is the true question, no matter how paranoid it might sound. The two corporate bots that invented the technology said that having Google listen to every whisper in your household is not an intrusion on privacy.

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Are they for real or what??? Wait until they pull out some chip! Aaa… we’re just gonna insert this in your head, but it’s not an invasion of privacy because, oh, look at all the pretty colors!!!

Will Larry “the Cable Guy” Page be advertising his Google on me? Will you?

Q.E.D.