More News on David Beckham's Penis

I know we live in an age when sex is important – well, it's been pretty much the main thing out there throughout the whole human history – or, if you will, an age when people finally admitted to themselves that sex is among the most important things out there and developed a more relaxed attitude towards it. But we're all aware extremism is not good – and moving from a complete ban on sex talk to an over-the-top liberal attitude in which we get to (willingly or unwillingly) hear celebrities talk about the size of their partner's penis is a bit weird. I mean yes, we all have our unanswered questions, like, you know, "How did the dinosaurs disappear?", "Is there really no life on Mars?" or "Will I ever get withing 10 feet of Brad Pitt?" - and maybe some of our cravings, longings and hidden desires also involve some secret sexual fantasies featuring our favorite celebrity of the day – but I think there should be a decency limit somewhere.

Apparently, Victoria Beckham disagrees. I mean yes, in her case it's quite understandable. She fancies herself a complex, interesting celebrity, a fascinating woman who doesn't know how to smile but thinks the world was created for her personal pleasure and profit, and who deems she can make even the more shocking things that come out of her mouth pass for glamorous. The pretext – as if she really needed one! - was her husband David starring in a series of ads for Emporio Armani underwear. We all know the ads by now – they picture an underwear-clad David Beckham lying on his back, sporting what looks like a huge... ahem, bulge hidden inside his white boxers. Well, of course his dutiful wife Victoria felt the need to comment on that, and let the world know that her hubby's penis was in fact the size of a tractor exhaust pipe. So here it is. If you thought you had answers to the most important questions in your life, think again – I'm sure something was missing!

And now, just in case any of you wanted more of the same, huge billboard ads with the said photo of Mr. Beckham were... um, erected in several cities around the world – and of course Victoria was there to promptly comment on their contents. "I'm proud to see his penis 25 foot tall. It's great. It's huge. It's enormous. Massive. If I looked like that I'd walk down the street in my panties too" she says. Um, should we be concerned about Victoria's state of mind? I mean, she did say "great", 'huge", "enormous" and "massive"... that's like four different words that describe the same undeniable fact – that David Beckham has a huge penis. Well, what can I say – that's all shades of classy. Forget the dinosaurs – aren't you happy you found this out? I mean, we could possibly even learn to survive without oxygen, but David's manhood – that was a mystery that needed to be solved as soon as possible.


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