Last week, singer Fiona Apple was arrested in Texas for possession of marijuana and hash, after a routine check on her tour bus at a border checkpoint. Today, she and the Sheriff Department are locked in a bitter war of words.
The other day, Fiona made the first public statement since the highly mediated arrest, as the video below will confirm – *please note that some discretion is recommended because it contains language that might offend.
She interrupted her gig to say that she had a lot of dirt on 4 of the officers who arrested her, knowledge that could ruin their career and “make [them] [expletive]-ing famous” if she decided one day to just disclose it to the world.
“There are four of you out there, and I want you to know that I heard everything you did. I wrote it all down with your names and everything you did and said stupidly thinking that I couldn't hear or see you. I then ripped the paper up, but not before I encoded it and – I got two lock boxes,” Fiona said.
“We'll call them ‘holding cell one’ and ‘holding cell two.’ In ‘holding cell one’ is the encoded version of the [expletive] that you did that I know was inappropriate and probably illegal. In ‘holding cell two’ is the decoder. I'm the only one who holds the key, and you and I will be intimate forever because I will hold that secret forever,” she went on to say.
She added that, if those 4 were ever thinking of becoming famous, all they would have to do was come to her and she’d fulfill this dream for them by exposing their secrets.
“Unless you're interested in being a celebrity, I'll make you [expletive]-ing famous any time you ask and I'll open those boxes. So why don't you stay in your [expletive]-ing holding cell?” she asked.
The Sheriff’s Department didn’t take long to answer that last question. In a scathing letter obtained by TMZ, spokesperson Rusty Fleming says that he’s already more famous than Fiona, so he can very well do without her generous offer.
He also points out that the only reason people are now talking about her is because of the recent arrest so, by a twist of logic, it’s him who’s making her famous and not the other way around.
“Next, have you ever heard of Snoop, Willie or Armand Hammer? Maybe if you would read something besides your own press releases, you would have known BEFORE you got here, that if you come to Texas with dope, the cops will take your DOPE away and put YOU in jail,” Fleming writes.
“Even though you and I only met briefly in the hallway, I don’t know you but I’m sure you’re an awesome and talented young woman and even though I’m not a fan of yours, I am sure there are thousands of them out there, and I’m sure that they would just as soon you get this all behind you and let you go back to what you do best—so my last piece of advice is simple ‘just shut-up and sing’,” the spokesperson continues.