Everybody, Meet Jordan's ASSets

That absolutely wonderful Jordan strikes again. You see, it's no secret to anyone that I'm completely crazy about Jordan and the way she insists on invading our lives with wonderful (read that trailer-trashy) displays of her bubbly personality, choice of clothes and weird PDAs. Speaking of which, don't allow your inner thermometer to reach boiling point when you see Jordan kissing another lady friend in these photos, for the very simple reason that that isn't simply a lady friend, and Jordan is not even bisexual - she's just... kissing her sister. Yup, that's her sister over there - and don't let yourself be fooled, that's a simple and honest good-bye kiss. No tongue tickling, no a*s fondling, nothing of the sort.

And then again, there's the whole issue of Jordan just... being Jordan: slutty, with the ever-present fake tan, the oversized boobs and the manic attention-seeking behavior. Oh, and I left out a the juiciest part - the derriere-flashing - which is again a defining characteristic of Jordan's typical behavior while on a night out. And please, understand this: a*s-flashing is a science, an art. It needs technique, class and great timing, as well as an inborn sense of elegance, grace and composure. Not everyone can do it. But Jordan sure can.

I mean, this can not even be called a flash. This, my friends, is a full-blown panty party. And apparently, our glamorous Jordan takes great pride in showing the world that she's branded her butt with her married name, calling herself Mrs. Andre. The thing that puzzles me the most, however, is not the fact that she chooses to wear such underwear (in fact, I think we should all be grateful she decided to wear underwear AT ALL, otherwise we would have been in for the biggest horror fest of the year) but that fact that she probably put it on knowing that she was going to flash it.

That, in my book, is called "thinking ahead", or fame whoring, call it whatever you choose. So, everybody, put on some sunglasses so that you don't get blinded by the bling on Jordan's butt and have a look - and while you're probably wondering what got into her head and made her do it, think that it's probably her head you ARE staring at - or anyway, that part of her body which she uses to do the thinking.