Lifestyle

Chestica Simpson Really, Really Needs a Man

Apparently, not having a boyfriend makes you gain weight...

By Monica Gaza, Entertainment News Editor

21st of November 2007, 10:05 GMT

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When I think about Jessica Simpson, the first word that comes to mind is "success". Yes, this blonde beauty is the absolute embodiment of what a successful, smart and great-looking blonde with more brains than it takes to fill an egg cup can do when she's determined to...well, do it. No, I was just kidding. Really, I started losing track of all the things that pop in my head whenever I read a piece of news about our darling Jessica, but most of the things I think to myself (some of which may very well be labeled NSFW) revolve around the words "blonde", "silly" and "walking disaster". And there may be a few other ones, but as I said, it's probably not very wise to repeat them.

Jessica Simpson, people, is apparently terrified of being single and as a result, resorted to comfort eating to cope with not having a boyfriend. What do you know - she actually has human feelings. Kidding. Well, but of course she has - but probably not the whole range of feelings normal humans usually have. For example, I'm sure she doesn't feel shame and doesn't even know what that is, otherwise she would not have convinced herself (or allowed others to convince her) that she can actually act.

I pretty much doubt she'll stay single for long

After her split from john mayer, Chestica is said to be feeling lonely and has started gorging on French fries to cheer herself up. "Jessica jokes about wanting a boyfriend, but it isn't funny. It hurts her to see her exes moving forward. She keeps getting crushes on the kind of guys who will let her down. That triggers her cravings. She usually gives in to them at bedtime. When she is at a hotel, she will often order a plate of French fries as a late-night snack. She knows it isn't healthy, but she doesn't have a lot of willpower right now". Well, girl, welcome to the life of millions and millions of women around the world. Depression often tastes like French fries - so either get used to it or try to change your comfort food. I heard carrots help.

Jessica has reportedly gained 10lbs since September. Wow - a celebrity in the news for gaining weight and everyone is acting as if the poor girl has AIDS or something. "Jessica recently binged on buffalo wings and cupcakes and gained some weight. She feels horrible. She is determined to work those pounds off", a source said. Well, I'm sure everything will work out just fine for her in the end, she'll shed the extra pounds and probably fall in love with her fitness trainer. And then it'll be back to square one. Gotta love Jessica.

TAGS:

Jessica Simpson | comfort food | weight gain | depression | boyfriend

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