Brooke Hogan Thinks Her Boobs Can Fly

It's been "all quiet on the Hogan front" over the past weeks, so the minute my eyes fell on these photos of Brooke Hogan, I decided to seize my chance and let you catch a glimpse of some much-needed (kidding) Hogan madness. Which explains why Brooke is wearing a bikini in the photos attached to my post, and why I'm very happy to report that there's been no car accident this time, no one was injured in any way (apart from Brooke's dignity, but that's been long deceased anyway so I won't insist on it) and there was no drag racing involved. But still, we're dealing with Brooke Hogan – so expect some narcissism, some exhibitionism and a whole lot of mystery – meaning that we'll be staring at the photos in question wondering "what on earth was she thinking?".

So, back to Brooke. Is it just me or does she look like she's recreating one of the most memorable "Ice Age 2" moments – the one in which one of the two possums is being thrown into the air and breaks into a heartfelt rendition of R. Kelly's "I Believe I Can Fly" - just before he (spectacularly) smashes headlong into a rock? Well, I don't know about the "possum" part, but Brooke is definitely reaching for the heavens here. Too bad it's not working. Is it just me, or is this girl turning into a slightly more... ahem, feminine version of her muscle-man daddy? Well, no need to answer this question right now – just chew on it for a while.

Another question for the ages is, what exactly is happening with Brooke's boobs? Are they trying to make a run for it? Not that it wouldn't be an understandable decision, but I'm afraid to say they don't stand a chance in hell. Brooke likes us to believe she's a girl. She wants us to stare at her boobies, she likes the fact that they make her feel all nice and delicate. Is she trying to train for the ballet then? Don't tell me she landed some part in a musical! Oh, no, this is terrible. You know how Brooke fancies herself a singer, too – what if she's acting opposite Paris Hilton in that horror musical that she's been shooting? I really think it's a good time to pack and head for the hills just in case.


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