Brooke Hogan's A*s Wants to Take the Floor

Nothing better on a glum and snowy Monday morning than a little bit of Brooke Hogan action to lift our spirits. And when I say "action" I mean some news on the ridiculous exploits of this lovely... ahem, reality TV star, who is apparently dedicated to imposing herself as a major-league... something (OK, I admit I was going to write "singer", but I reconsidered). I mean yes, Brooke loves to be famous and wants a piece of the attention she used to get back when her brother Nick wasn't about to face a lengthy jail sentence and her parents weren't divorcing.

But times change - and at one point or another, talentless young reality stars (with no other remarkable achievements apart from a failed pop career) who look like they've just gone for a full change of gender must face the cruel, cruel reality: that the only kind of guest star appearance they are ever likely to get is if they are cast as "desperate attention-seeker of the week".

So, back to Brooke and her classy self. Apparently, this lovely lady is going through some major celebrity detoxing (which means that she's run short of her supply of media attention) and is desperately seeking a remedy. I have no idea why she thinks that a place on the much-hyped "Dancing With the Stars" (probably the word "stars" has misled her into believing she will thus become an instant celebrity) would be an answer to all her prayers - the fact is, little miss Hogan is pulling all the strings she can in order to make the show.

I don't know if Brooke thinks she can dance - I suspect she does - but the fact is, can you imagine her in a ballroom gown, dancing the tango? The very thought of that makes me shiver... It's not that I have a thing against Brooke (OK, maybe I do, but that's not the point here) or that I think she's major loser material (OK, maybe I think she is) - but some things are simply not meant to be. Like the words "Brooke" and "classy" in the same sentence.

I think the trouble is Brooke realized she needs a little bit of media loving and was presented with a choice: either go for a spot on "Dancing With the Stars" or get a guaranteed cameo on her daddy's new show, American Gladiators. Which, I think, could not be the best idea in the world. In the end, if you're unfortunate enough to already look like a male-to-female tranny, why would you want to be on such a show? Well, world, get ready - 'cause Brooke's a*s really wants to dance. And we all know that's a threat!