Britney's Sexually Obsessed Stalker

I hate to say this, but it looks like that cliché about reality being stranger than fiction really seems to be biting us in our derrières every now and then – big time. Need proof? Well, how about the news that this planet's biggest trainwreck ever – talking here about Britney Spears, of course – has a stalker. No, don't give me that look – it's not a joke, and if it were a joke, it would definitely qualify as a bad one. In fact, it's a classic case of the pot calling the kettle black, only with an even crazier added twist. So, breaking news everyone: there's someone out there even crazier than our beloved Brit Brit, or at least crazy enough to stalk her and send her creepy packages stuffed full with sex toys and explicit sexual allusions.

It seems that the singer's camp is terrified of the whole situation and has handed over the mysterious packages to the FBI. "It started about six weeks ago with just letters being sent once a week", a source close to the whole mess tells OK magazine. "And then it quickly escalated to larger packages that now arrive two to three times a week — always to the same L.A. address, but never to one of Britney's homes". The packages, the source explains, contain sex toys and threatening letters with pornographic contents. "The first thing you see when you open the box is a huge, lavender-colored, battery-operated sex toy", the same source reports. "Still with the price tag on it". The sex toy is apparently accompanied by two letters, one printed and one handwritten. "The handwritten one is on note paper and it's written in a crazy, all-caps chicken scratch", the source adds.

The printed letters are said to contain explicit descriptions of the writer's imaginary encounters with Britney – and it's all dirty porn by the sound of it. One package also contained a picture of a man whom many believe is the sender of the creepy packages. But here's the twist: the man's eyes are cut out of the photo, and he appears to be squirting a "yellowish liquid" into his open mouth. "It's like something from a bad movie. If I hadn't seen it myself, I wouldn't believe it", the source adds. At least Brit Brit had no direct contact with the packages in question – but it sounds like she has really inspired her stalker. Well, either that or the stalker is actually Paris Hilton, who got the wrong address and thought she was sending the packages to Lindsay Lohan. Now that makes sense...


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