Danger! Danger! Someone, please save Brit Brit's butt... some alien race mistook it for barbecue meat and fried it. No, I didn't just say that. OK, I'm sorry for the (totally unintentional) grossness - but I really couldn't think of a better term of comparison. I have to tell you, though - I'm really worried. I have no idea what actually happened (I mean, I can totally suspect that she over-tanned her derriere) but it can't be pleasant and I'm sure it must really hurt. Which sort of makes me feel close to sorry for our popwreck. But never fear - I'll get over it quick enough.

There are other explanations, though. We've all heard not as much rumors as epic sagas about how Britney is obsessed and how her tiny little brain is all focused on sex, sex, sex... and not just any kind of sex, but really kinky sex for all that. About how she has a room in her house that's a den of sin (I like that expression), filled with all sorts of things, from handcuffs to sexy outfits (which I'm sure stop being sexy the moment Briney puts them on, but that's a different story). Well, maybe her a*s got burned during a weird sex session and those are spanking marks staring back at us from the singer's bottom, proof that Brit Brit is truly spectacular in bed.

Or she may have just over-tanned her buttocks, just as I was telling you initially. What I don't understand is, for whatever reason she ended up with her rear end fried, why would she feel the need to share that particularly nasty piece of information with the rest of the world? I feel someone just burned a whole in my retina... And I also see that she insists on wearing the same "hot pants" that actually look like they're put together from several pieces cut out of my granny's old bloomers.

Plus the very classy boots... again... and a jacket on top, not to mention the atrocious pink wig that makes my eyes water. I think someone should probably check her blood, 'cause I'm pretty sure she's on drugs or she's gone blind and didn't get a look at herself in the mirror before stepping out. She's still over-dosing on frappuccinos and her knees still look dirty. Just another day in Britney's mess of a life.