Breaking: Tom Cruise and Cher???

OK, I just had lunch and I am thanking my lucky stars I didn't eat much, otherwise I'd probably be stuck in the bathroom for a couple of hours tending to my irritated stomach. It's not that the news Tom Cruise and Cher used to date makes me sick... it's more like a burning feeling I get somewhere in my stomach, some sort of celebrity-induced acid reflux.

To be honest, that's the kind of feeling I always have whenever a piece of news about Tom Cruise comes in, usually because in 9 out of 10 cases it's connected to that controversial Scientology cult, another word that gives me the creeps any day of the week. This time, however, it's just good old-fashioned gossip, and it involves Tom and the ever-present, constantly young (at heart at least) Cher – who revealed that a long time ago, she and Scientology poster boy Cruise used to date.

What's funny is that Cher was keen to make it quite clear that back then Cruise was not a Scientologist preaching to the world about aliens, mother ships, volcanoes and the evil lord Xenu. Good job keeping herself away from all the controversy! She was on Good Morning America earlier today, and mentioned that she knew Cruise as "just the most adorable man you can imagine". Well, maybe they didn't date for too long, because when I think of Tom Cruise, "adorable" is not on the list of top ten words that come to mind. On the one hand, the thought of a younger, more energetic Tom Cruise scares me, on the other hand I think it's funny to imagine the diminutive Cruise next to Cher. She must have really towered over him. And to Cher, if it so happens that she reads this - a couple of photos would be most welcome.

So, until more details of their past affair come to light, we're free to ponder Tom and Cher's affair and imagine all the gory details – metaphorically, of course. I think you know what I mean by that. But really, I need to see a photo of these two, fast. And maybe we can persuade Cher to share some more details – like what they used to talk about when they went on dates, that sort of thing. I think this weekend is going to be very interesting. Stay tuned for all the fresh news.


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