Boob Talk. A Lot of It. Again...

I think that someone should sit down with Jordan – the formerly big-boobed no-brainer who's currently on a mission to "reinvent" herself as a classy lady – and show her a few photos of Michael Jackson. You know, give her "the talk" about people who suffer from body dysmorphic disorder, people who become addicted to plastic surgery, always want to change something about their looks but are never satisfied with the results. Want proof? Well, Jordan has already had three boob jobs, and is desperate to have the fourth, because, she says, even after removing her implants her fun bags are still too big.

"When I saw my boobs I was disappointed because they looked big and I wanted them to be a lot smaller. My words to the doctor beforehand were: ‘I want to go a lot smaller. More pert. More stuck-on looking. But I still want people to think I’ve got big boobs. I’m really disappointed. In fact I’m going back to the States to get them re-done". I'm not sure which part of this I find most disturbing – the fact that she's talking about her breasts like she's talking about a sack of potatoes, the fact that painful and invasive surgery doesn't seem to bother her much or the fact that she's actually talking about turning her breasts into the same ridiculous-looking bags of silicon that Victoria Beckham has got hanging on her chest. Wait – weren't they supposed to hate each other?

Never mind that, though – we should have learned our lesson by now: when Jordan talks boobs and penis, there's no stopping her. So be it then. What's the problem with the new, reduced version of her boobs again? "They look fine in bra but they hang too low when I’m standing up and it’s really bad when I’m lying down. There’s about a four inch gap. I’ve had three boob jobs done before and I’ve seen enough other ones to know what they should look like and they’re not right. I’ve also got indents so you can see where the implant is sitting and there’s excess skin so the doctor either hasn’t filled the skin up enough or he hasn’t removed enough skin". Poor thing. So much suffering. So much media attention. So much talking... and talking... and talking... I really don't know how she can handle all the pressure.


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