5 Steps To A Perfect Body

What does it take to be considered a really beautiful woman in Hollywood?

By on July 29th, 2006 16:06 GMT
Nobody is perfect on the outside and some flaws, no matter how hard we try, cannot be hidden for an eternity from prying eyes, especially if you're a movie or music star, permanently under the media lens. But do not despair: there are always other ways of 'correcting' what nature did injustice to, thanks to modern science!

Let us not fool ourselves with such trifles as 'what's on the inside really matters'! Even those who really believe this to be true (fortunately, there still are many idealists out there) place a lot of importance on being the person the others want to see. Why shouldn't that be the golden rule in Hollywood, a world within itself, where image is what most matters?

If, by chance, you are on your way to stardom or decided to get there whatever the cost, we proudly present to you the easy guide to a perfect Hollywood body, stressing out which bodily parts require most your attention. And we thought of starting, naturally, from the top and gradually work our way down, while enumerating the top five must-haves.

Step 1: Beautiful face

Nobody wants to look at a woman and see a potato-like deformed mass in the middle of her face but, still, some celebrities were unfortunate enough as to not be born with the perfect stereotype kind of nose. And, yet, that didn't stop them from getting it. Otherwise, what would have been the point of plastic surgery?

Just recently, Ashlee Simpson got a brand new nose, because her old one was distracting too much attention from her other qualities (namely, her music). And she is not the only one to have resorted to the aid of modern science; after the paparazzi uncovered some older pictures of the stunning Angelina Jolie, rumor has it that she might have visited some special 'clinics', too.

So, you've got yourself a new nose... What else must you improve next? Well, let's think: if the nose doesn't quite match your face, you can change that too. Otherwise, the difference would be too huge and people wouldn't believe you when you said that you had absolutely no plastic surgery at all.

Another must-have is, then, a pair of Elvis-like cheekbones and no amount of foundation can create the impression of it as an implant can. See the case of Victoria Beckham if you have problems believing that. The woman's face just gets more and more elongated by the year and she must have a stack of cheekbone implants lying around her house, in her fridge... just in case of an emergency.

Step 2: Long, overflowing hair

For this one, Britney Spears is probably the most indicated celebrity to offer any advice, as she is the uncontested queen of hair extensions. Britney knows just how important beautiful long tresses are and, because she can't grow them, she is having them manually put in.

Most women are fond of hair extensions and more than a few use them in their everyday life and not only in their movies or music videos. Spears is, of course, no exception and we prefer it that way than see her doing her own hair, about which she hasn't the slightest idea.

Ex-Posh Spice loves extensions, too, especially after some German paparazzo made public a not so flattering picture of her, in which a rather large bald spot could be seen right on top of her head. Probably we should have mentioned from the very beginning that Victoria's name will come out a lot - it must inevitably happen - she is the perfect example of what a woman is willing to do to reach 'perfection'. Doesn't she know that such a notion is relative to whoever is considering it?

Step 3: Boobs

Hadn't we started from the top down, this would have been named the most prized asset in Hollywood, outranking even talent or skills. There have always been problems when it came to breasts: if they're big, they are too big and, if they are small, they are non-existent.

Such vague and unstable classification has determined unsure women to enlarge, reduce and then enlarge again their breasts. Or just to enlarge them until the very brink of popping. Jordan, Pamela Anderson, Victoria Beckham (again), Christina Aguilera and so many others have had a lot work done on their boobies.

Hell, if we were to search high and low, probably we wouldn't find a single pair of the 'real thing' in all Hollywood! But that's just overstating it... Anyway, breasts are as important as the face of the actress who has them, a sort of carte blanche to stand as credit for their merits in showbiz. Consequently, they must be enlarged or lifted.

Step 4: Little or no body fat

Hollywood just loves skeleton girls and women. We're not saying that it openly encourages anorexia or other eating disorders because it doesn't do it openly. It's a more discreet and subtle signal that it sends to all the women involved, but the bottom line is still the same: if you're fat, you're dead. Or your career is, which is quite the same...

That is why women like Nicole Richie, Mary Kate Olsen, Lindsay Lohan or Beckham's wife are just wasting away before our amazed eyes, refusing to admit the reality that their bodies weigh less than that of a 12-year-old child and, at the same time, vehemently denying eating disorders.

And it's no wonder they are unwilling to gain a few more pounds when everybody is telling them how good they look and they are overwhelmed by deals they never dreamed of. Being skinny is a way of life and each kilogram gained is considered a clear disadvantage or a potential negative element for their career. After all, it is well known that the camera adds eight pounds...

Step 5: Money to get all of the above

This is not actually something the celebrities can do to make their bodies perfect but it is, unquestionably, a must-have. How is a woman to reach such high standards of beauty if she can't afford to pay for the means to get them?

The alternative is pretty obvious: if they're successful enough, the celebrity women can pay for all the plastic surgery required out of their own pocket. Like the case of Pamela or Jordan, who made millions by selling their naked bodies to different outlets of the porn industry.

And what do you do when your image doesn't sell and you're not daddy's little girl, like Nicole Richie or Tori Spelling? You marry into money, if you can't make it by yourself or you get your hands on a man who can afford to pay all the medical and stylist bills. Because 'a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do'...

Et voila, our home-made guide to a rocking Hollywood body! Warning: the 'recipe' will have side-effects but your self-esteem won't be affected. Good luck!
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