13-Page Suicide Note Details Mother's Concern over Baby Being Underdeveloped

She thought falling twice had left her baby with concussions, even rendering him autistic

By on March 16th, 2013 08:31 GMT

Cynthia Wachenheim's 13-page handwritten suicide note reveals the suicidal mother's motivation for jumping from her window earlier this week.

As reported at the time, she grabbed her 10-month-old son Keston and took an eight-story leap to her death, having her toddler miraculously survive her. Her letter sheds light onto what caused her to make the tragic decision of taking both her life and her baby's.

A high-paying clerk in Manhattan before her maternity leave, with a six-figure salary and a law school degree, Wachenheim dubbed herself a bad mother and believed a series of events had permanently affected her son's mental development.

UPI informs that she called them “shameful incidents,” possibly to indicate her doing in the matter. She mentions her toddler incurring two falls, one from a play set onto the hardwood floor and a second fall from a bed.

She believed they would bring upon “lifelong consequences” such as cerebral palsy or autism. She was convinced that Keston was suffering from seizures and concussions, and was upset because nobody believed her.

She alleged that her son's behavior had changed, in that he did a lot more sleeping and crying. Not having someone to talk to about the alleged mysterious illness had made her feel depressed and isolated.

“The note said she was not happy and she talked about what she planned to do. [She is] saying to her husband, ‘I love you. I’m making you suffer. You’re going to think I’m evil.’

“She thinks she’s a failing mother. On the last page, she refers to postpartum depression,” a source said after her death.

At the end of the letter she describes what people will think of her gesture, saying that she will be judged and dubbed psychotic or a postpartum depression sufferer, Examiner adds.

“Usually these intensely lethal acts happen in the context of losing some kind of touch with reality. What mother in their right mind would kill their kid?” Weill Cornell reproductive psychiatrist, Dr. Catherine Birndorf comments.

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